uitwaaien

(v) to take a break, to clear one's head; "to walk in the wind."

Month: October, 2014

He Doesn’t Care

As I spray on the last drop of cologne,

I wish the ounces of love in my heart–

The ounces still left and kept there for you,

Would disappear

As fast as my cologne ran out.

My cologne was saved up for special events.

And so I question

Why I’m still keeping you,

When I am your empty bottle anyway.

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Battles

I need to be the controller of the game.

I cannot let the game control me.

There are no restarts.

There are no second lives.

If love was the game we played,

I’ve already died.

Unfathomable

All this time, I thought I was over it. I thought faking the belief that I did not care would finally influence the reality that I am actually still not over it, and that I still do care.

I still. Do. Care.

For even the gentle breezes bring me so much pain as they blow me all throughout the day eventually creating a tornado in my head of all the thoughts of you and I. And no matter how hard I worked to build a shelter above my head, you still manage to sweep the roof away– breaking the entire infrastructure down.

I cannot dismiss the fact that I still. Do. Care.

There is no denying that there are still pieces of you that live in the corner of my mind. If the things I tell myself are true, I would not be sitting here writing about a love that I was not even sure precisely existed. If the things I tell myself are true, then black and white evidences of my deepest thoughts would have never been exposed on paper.

Why can’t I push you away?

Please, I no longer want you to stay.

Moving On

You came– I fell– You came– I fell.

Waves that crashed.

A girl that drowned.

You came– I stumbled– You came– I stood.

The girl that stands learned how to surf.