uitwaaien

(v) to take a break, to clear one's head; "to walk in the wind."

Month: January, 2015

I Guess It’s Over

“Happy Sweet 16th!” they said.

But how come sixteen isn’t all that sweet.

It’s more like bitterness from my thoughts,

And sourness from your ‘love’.

And I wish I was 9 again–

Thinking and believing that sixteen would be a dream;

A dream I lived now that was more of a nightmare.

16 was the age when all of it came to an end.

When I realized happily ever afters did not exist in this princess’ fairy tale.

I didn’t think this day would come so soon.

I’ve always wished that I could be that princess for you.

You have no idea.

To me, you were worth more than diamonds on my crown

And stacks of gold bars treasured in a vault.

I don’t think anybody has ever loved you the way I did.

And there you are–

Riding on a horse with your hair in the wind

And arms wrapped around your waist

By another girl

On the back seat.

And suddenly I no longer feel like a princess,

But rather the dirt being galloped upon

By you and her.

I’d search lands for another Prince Charming.

But I know in my heart that I was never really a princess.

I was only a damsel in distress–

Locked up in a castle,

Years waiting and waiting to be rescued

By someone

Who turns out

To not be you.
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Wish You Hadn’t Started

I was the young budding rose once beautiful.

Sprinkled down and cared by the droplets from your rain cloud.

You helped me grow.

You grew with me.

I changed because of your sunlight,

Your soil that grounded me down.

You were the oxygen I took in,

Gentle breezes that touched me softly.

Now that days have gone

And I have grown.

I made fingers bleed by anyone who picked near.

Fooled fraud beauty–

Didn’t they see that I had thorns?

Petals unfurling,

I am wilting.

No longer taken care of by the one who cared for the most.

Day by day.

Almost turned grey and dead.

So much growth and beauty squandered.

Why did you have to stop watering me?

If only you never stopped caring for me.

Game Over, We Lose.

I am mad at myself.

You gave me a hundred reasons to not like you,

But somehow I still found beauty 

In this wall you built between us;

With all the secrets behind the bricks. 

I counted the years like prison tallies.

And when my time was up,

I still have not escaped.

I am still in the same prison cell-

Behind the bars you put me in.

We were what almost been.

And now you are my what could have been,

Because I am giving up on you.

And I don’t know how I could do that-

How I could love someone so much for so long

Only to walk away.

But then I look at you.

And now I understand.

I know we never said it,

But I know you must have felt something. Anything.

You see,

I know you are that quiet kid at the back of the classroom.

I know you do not get noticed a lot.

Or as much as you think.

I know you spend late nights having parties

Alone

In the silence of your room

With a video game in your hand

And voices pounding, saying

You aren’t good enough.

I know you’re a hopeless romantic

And you dream of being dreamed by someone else.

But did you not realize that you were my dream?

 

If only you knew the secrets behind this wall you built up.

I wish I hadn’t been so scared to break it down.

I wish you hadn’t been such a coward.

And now look at us.

So much love

Wasted. Gone.

All because of our walls.

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